The Maple-Leaf Affair

On a recent trip, I couldn’t help but notice a well-dressed elderly lady in a wheelchair. She was sipping at what I assume was a delicious coffee at Muggs & Bean, just outside the boarding gates at Cape Town International Airport in South Africa. I gathered she must be Canadian as her bag had a tag with the red maple leaf found on the Canadian flag.

I did not think much of it until well into our flight. Incidentally, the lady and her husband sat across the isle to my left. That is after I noticed that she was urgently pecking away at an iPad. It was the bold, red, fontsize-24 Arial typeface that grabbed my attention.

“Handling the wheelchair is becoming a challenge. The pain in the shoulders and fingers is getting worse. Need constant help to get around,” she typed out and continued, “Should check out hospice [she even typed out its name]… Prepare for death.”

What? Had I read that right, or was the recycled air in the aircraft cabin playing tricks on my travel-fatigued mind? All this time, her husband would read what she had typed out and patiently respond to her in a soft, loving voice.

This got me thinking of how short the time is to make any meaningful impact in our community [TweetMe]. Should I waste my time chasing my tail or those of others? Or should I build my dream and impact lives with the goodness that was so graciously extended to me by my Maker?

As a leader, the three parts of the maple leaf remind me I need to do the following inspired by Robin Sharma:

First, I must CAST AWAY FEAR OF FAILURE and grow the opportunities I come across [TweetMe]. Robin Sharma reminds me, “Your excuses are nothing more than the lies your fears have sold you.” This lady embraced her fears and talked about them.

Second, Even as I work at it, I need to CLAIM STRENGTH AND COURAGE from significant others and God. I need to remain accountable to accomplish what I set out to do. Robin says, “All change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end.” Her husband was right there walking her through what must be a very difficult period in her life.

Finally, I must MOVE FORWARD WITH BOLDNESS that is the leader I was destined to be! [TweetMe] “Life is short. Be of use,” says Robin. This lady was courageous enough to accept her life’s situation.

My dream shall become my mantra. From today, I will actively remind myself to serve first. For it is in service that I grow my significance [TweetMe].

How are you growing your significance? What do you need to do to grow your service-leadership?

photo credit: mgabelmann via photopin cc

Rise up Titans!

A few days ago, I received and interesting email from a good friend. “I will give you a call in a bit about this post…” was all it said. No salutation or sign-off. He is a regular management columnist in the local Business Daily. “What had he noticed in my blog post?” I wondered. Being the optimist, I focused on the positive. I thought he has found life-changing inspiration in my thoughts.

Later in the evening, after a raucous exchange of pleasantries (he is a fun, loud chap) he blurted out, “I give you a 1 out of 10 for your blog post today!” What? Did I hear that right? So much for my optimism. Under normal circumstances, I would have become super-defensive. But I listened…

He took me through the emotions he underwent as he read my blog. The title had drawn him in, but something was missing in the content and he was yearning for more. Furthermore, he gave it to me straight up that my post was not up to the quality he expected of me. You know what? He was spot on!

I re-wrote the post to meet the need of one man. Was it necessary? Without a doubt it was. The reason I write is to fulfill a need. It is to share knowledge and inspire perspective to life, work and family. As I write, I strengthen my leadership and learn how to become a better follower.

A short while back, I attended a meeting with a difference. About a hundred men gathered together to engage in discussion around the meaning for their existence; spiritually, in society, at home and at work. There was a palpable buzz in the room. From the very onset, I had a feeling that something awesome was afoot.

For many men, it does not come naturally to us to meet and discuss intimate matters that affect our personal lives. We would rather discuss politics, sports, cars or women for hours on end than admit that we need help. Yet the cry for help was the clarion call in this meeting. Men coming together and saying, “I need help!”

So, what did I learn from these two experiences?

Leaders meet a need, not a target [TweetMe]. The need is a cry from the younger men for role models. They want to be led. They want to learn. They need hope. There is a need from the older folk. They have a deep craving to be significant, to matter. To lead is essential or very important for them to inspire future generations. When needs are met, a sense of belonging and stability is cultivated.

Leaders are pillars of unity. However, unity is broken when I participate in active/passive disobedience and refuse to take responsibility for my actions or calling. This happens when I am overwhelmed by fear or I am too lazy to commit to the task ahead. You can gauge a leader’s influence by his or her ability to instil unity in their followers regardless of the surrounding conditions.

Faithful people needed, must be ready to lead courageously. When I lead courageously, I begin to define the fellowship of where great initiatives spawn [TweetMe]. I need to take time to actively listen to others. To listen requires patience and time dedicated to it. Sometimes, listening is a dangerous adventure and I need all the courage to embrace criticism, rebuke or correction.

Leadership is complementary, not competitive. Who really pays the price in competition? How complementary are we as leaders to inspire hope in people? Do I give people faith in their capability that propels them forward in love? I read this interesting insight: “Faith is walking as you are. It is being stripped down to your own bare essentials and simply saying here I am.” Complementarity is when a leader has a healthy perspective of life and work. As Lolly Daskal says, “Losing perspective is being stuck in one single view of things and becoming distant from other views.”

When I choose to become a leader, I must be ready to pay the price [TweetMe]. The choices I make are driven by the values I hold. A leader can only be as effective as his or her deeds. I can’t expect to instigate meaningful change if I can’t live that change in the first place. For your influence to be followed, leaders have to pay at the door! I have to be the change that I wish to see in the world around me. I have to pay the price…

“I dream of men who take the next step instead of worrying about the next thousand steps,” T. Roosevelt.

Are you living to your full potential? List fears that are holding you back, and then determine the steps you will take to overcome those fears.

Calling all Fathers to Please Stand Up!

We all want to write something ‘original’ for our blogs. That is what I wanted to do until I read Phil’s post. It resonated so well with my thoughts and I couldn’t help but share it here.

Naked & Unashamed: Lead Forward

How do you react in the face of adversity, especially when it is driven by something from your past that you fear to admit publicly? For most of us, leadership and being vulnerable are not cozy bedfellows.

During difficult times, or experiences, it is difficult to admit everything has completely broken down and the center does not hold anymore. Pride and a sense of self-preservation take over, and we grow a callous hedge around ourselves or sweep the dirt under the carpet.

Enemy Within. This is the cradle of the absolute dearth of intentional and character-based leaders. ‘Leaders’ are a dime a dozen at work, home and the political arena. Sanity, direction, hope, and mentor-ship are in short supply. Selfishness abounds with a vice-grip on our souls and drives us to the misplaced need to satisfy ourselves first with serving only a remote thought. Everything else, including children and spouse, become secondary.

This virus is driving the rot we experience all around us. The enemy within, one may muse, seems too large a dragon to slay. Like I did, it is possible not to appreciate the hurt your  family relations have exposed you to. That enemy is bitterness, anger, resentment and lack of forgiveness wrapped up in a tight package.

However, some of us are so wounded by our fathers, mothers, relatives or friends to appreciate that being vulnerable has the ability to make us stronger. We are too proud or afraid to admit that we are hurting, that we are mortally wounded and need urgent care. This places a titanium cap on our ability to lead effectively. We clam up in fear.

Writing “Down But Not Out: Becoming a Significant Leader at Home” was my way to deal with the wounds I had received from my father. As I pointed out in Leadership is a sacred trust, he was absent when I was a young, vulnerable boy growing up. It was the first step toward a grueling journey of forgiveness and freedom for a heart enslaved in bitterness.

Healing Wounds. If you intend to become a leader, and hope to take leadership to the next level, you’ll need to challenge your thinking to refine your direction. Forgiveness is the key to this new thinking. For without forgiveness, you remain a prisoner-of-war, in a jail where you cannot post bail or request for an appeal.

‘The spiritual life begins with the acceptance of the wounded self.’ Really? How can that be? The reason is simple: ‘Whatever is denied cannot be healed.’ But that’s the problem, you see. Most men deny their wound–deny it happened, deny that it hurt certainly deny that it’s shaping the way they live today.” John Eldredge, Wild at Heart.

For me, I had to start all over again. I debunked the myth that I am that ‘real’ man not vulnerable enough to accept that I carried with me a shipload of wounds. My macho image had to fall off if I was to live a life full of meaning.

Then the tears came, I could not hold them back. The painful wounds came back to me like an uncontrollable flood. I had expected the tears to bring with them a dark grey cloud from the past. Surprisingly, as the tears flowed, the darkness clouding my life began to dispel. My soul felt like it was bathing in a warm soothing flood. I sensed the healing had started. It was like a balm was soothing my deep, painful wounds.

The Law of the Lid. To raise the bar in my ability to lead, I had to pop my lid open. This is what John C. Maxwell refers to as ‘The Law of the Lid’ in his book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. He states “Leadership ability is the lid that determines a person’s level of effectiveness.” I was afraid to be vulnerable. I did not want others to know the pain that held me captive. This raging pain limited my ability to lead.

Only when I started to open up did I see my interaction at home, work, and social circles begin to be less stressful. I was finding more joy in helping others and proactively providing guidance and direction. I began to write. I was more relaxed and less snappy. I became more patient and tolerant to others.

Leaders embrace the challenges they face, yet all my life I ran away from my demons. When I confronted them, I got the courage to embrace my ability to deal with them. When I took leadership of my innermost soul, I led others with purpose and joy.

Take action…

• Have you been holding onto hurts and inadequacies that hold back your ability to lead?
• Are you afraid to be vulnerable before other people?
• What steps will you put in place to re-think your current position in order to lead forward?

“Now is the time to start ripping open a cavernous, gaping hole! Because simply making ‘a dent’, just isn’t adequate.” Todd Nielsen, in Screw “Dents”… I’m Aiming for an Immense Gaping Hole!

photo credit: Effortless Vitality via photopin cc

Leadership is a sacred trust

Forgive…

[Excerpt from my new book soon in a bookstore near you…“Down But Not Out: Becoming a Significant Leader at Home.”]

The first seven years of my life were filled with enjoyment and unlimited possibilities. The future looked amazing. I could not wait to ‘grow’ up to scale the heights of Mt. Kenya and enjoy snow on top of it just five miles from my maternal grandparents’ house. To the south of home, there were wildebeests to race with as they performed their well-orchestrated annual migration in the Maasai Mara.

Life with my dad around was awesome. “When I grow up, I want to be like daddy,” I would blurt out without hesitation on being asked what I would like to become. And for dramatic effect, I would thrust out my rib-decked chest in a display of pride. I was that skinny!

My father was my pillar of refuge, the conqueror of anything that crossed his path. Life, I thought, was full of reckless abandon and a future as endless as far as the eye could see. Life was good. That was the powerhouse my father was to me.

Violent interruption. However, a long nightmare was brewing. Unbeknownst to me, my father was about to be violently torn away from me. He was transferred to a different workstation and had to move away to another town. This would take him away from his family. Sometimes, he would be away for up to eleven months every year. It was a bad dream that was to last for over two decades. For this long, I did anything to escape from a past dotted with dark times; times of struggle, pain, poverty, and need. I would pay anything, everything, to forget and totally obliterate this history.

For years, they would keep a family torn apart. Pain ran deep while dreams were shattered and lives devastated forever. A painful existence this became. No child should be allowed to block off a part of his or her life in a bid to find peace within. I was bitter with my father that he chose not to be more present at home for his family.

The depth of this bitterness became evident one day as I was reading the newspaper. For some weird reason, I paused on the obituary pages and wondered what my reaction would be if my fathers photo happened to be there. “I would not shed a tear,” I thought to myself without batting an eyelid. Then, a bolt of lightning jolted my heart while icy blood cut through my veins. This hit home so hard that I wanted to vomit violently!

If you can’t forgive, forget effective leadership. Nearly thirty years later, I chose to forgive my father. It had been a long arduous journey, but one I had to take if I was to live my life to its fullest. I realized that if I was to become a leader to my own family and beyond, I did not have any option but to forgive. But could I?

“The people you lead need to see that you’re not simply reacting to what’s happening around you, but that you’re making sure you’re ready to provide them with whatever support and opportunities they’ll need to succeed. This is why leadership today is less about what you know and more about the relationships you have with those you serve as [they] need to see that you have their backs as much as you expect them to have yours. It’s also why leadership is becoming harder to do well because it requires that we do more than simply maintaining the status quo, but that we seek out avenues and opportunities to improve things; to make things better both for those we lead and for those we impact through our actions,” notes Tanveer Naseer.

Then it happened. On the Christmas morning 2012, I called my father for the first time in years. I have no recollection of the last time I spent Christmas with my father. This time, I called just to wish him a Merry Christmas. And it felt good. My heart was not beating on overdrive. My breathing was normal. The chock-hold I had previously felt on my throat was gone! We had a very cordial conversation. For the first time in their lives, my children spoke to their grandfather. For the first time in his life, my father heard the voices of his two oldest grandchildren and that of his fourth grandchild. For the first time, he could wish his grandchildren a Merry Christmas. This is seven years after the birth of his first grandchild, my daughter.

At 12:11 am on the dawn of 1^st January 2013, my cellphone rang. It was my dad on my first call of the year. He just wanted to wish me well in the year ahead.

True leadership brings restoration. Thirty years later, nearly to the dot, the healing began. For the first time in my life, I felt like could stop running and start living again. It was like blood supply was restored to some dead tissue in my body.

 “There is no need for wars or violence, under any circumstances. There are no problems that cannot be solved around a table, provided there is good will and reciprocal trust or even reciprocal fear.” Promo Levi, Auschwitz survivor, ‘The Drowned and the Saved’, 1986,

If leaders were ready to forgive others of any hurt or harm that had been directed at them, then restoration is an inevitable outcome. I can already feel the restoration building up from deep within me. Are you ready to forgive to surge forward? It is time for you to lead from within.

[photo credit: Brett Jordan via photopin cc]

What’s your name?

Never forget, roots run deep.

[Excerpt from my new book soon in a bookstore near you…“Home Bound: Lead at Home in 6 Intentional Steps”]

I recently came across a very interesting but sad description of a family’s lineage. Dr. Kevin Leman* describes his as ‘A Well-Watered Ancestry’. This is not to be confused with the charming, progressive, and healthy type of ancestry. “I come from a long line of drinkers,” says Dr. Leman. “Virtually all Lemans enjoyed slugging down a few cold ones. Okay, not a few. Many.” Not many people I know desire to provide such an ancestry or build a similar foundation for their family.

When we first discovered that we were going to become parents, the joy I felt is indescribable. My heart nearly burst with pride. I was going to be a father! However, questions ravaged my poor mind like a bad storm and tore at my innards like the worst tornado ever. Would I be a good father? How would I take care of the growing family? What if I lost my job, then what? Will the baby ‘steal’ my time with my wife? Would my employer insist on sending me out on mission for extended periods? And many more!

My mind was desperately trying to answer, “What is your name?” It was a desperate attempt to begin molding the definition of my family and the identity that would be its anchor.

To appreciate where we were coming from, we will have to go back to the beginning. Like Dr. Leman, I too had a ‘well-watered’ ancestry, especially on my father’s side. My grandfather loved the tipple, I have no recollection of a single night he came home sober during those days we would be visiting him and my grandmother. My uncle and two aunties also partied hard. Alcohol was a feature in any of our family events, it is a miracle that some of us did not end up thoroughly imbibed at a very tender age!

With this background, I had to break traditions that were not healthy for my life and that of my new family too. It was time to reclaim the dignity of the name. This identity would go against common-speak and stand out for its resilience, integrity, and above all, a spirit of servant-leadership.

Naming our children was not going to be routine, it was not a labeling process. It was a re-birth of my wife and I. We were going to bestow a legacy upon our children. From birth they were going to walk in the promise, a promise that they were made for greatness. Please note that, in greatness, I do not necessarily mean they will become celebrities or some beings with an elevated status. I would not mind if they did, but this was not the primary focus.

Their names were just the first step to a future where they would become people that matter. They would become pillars of hope in a world of pain, deceit, poverty, and mediocrity.

How are you taking charge of leadership in your home? What deliberate steps are you making to become that intentional leader your family deserves?

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* Dr. Kevin Leman, What a Difference a Daddy Makes: The indelible Imprint a Dad Leaves on His Daughter’s Life (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2000), 72.

 

“For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

 

Your family brand influences your child’s personal brand

Something different happens when parents take up intentional leadership at home. They set aside time for play, talk and reading. They cook, shop and dream as a team. They laugh, cry and reminisce together. They become one, a family with a common identity, though the characteristics of individual family members will vary.

Due to this tight bond, the family becomes the true ‘North’ especially during times of conflict or pain, as well as joy and celebration. As the individuals have developed a sense of identity, how they react can be clearly referenced to a particular brand. That family brand has a significant influence on how the children’s personal brands evolve over time… [TweetMe]

I explore this in its entirety on my guest vlog “Personal Branding Begins at Home” on Peter Sterlacci’s blog, BeYB… ‘Believe. Become. Be Your Brand’. It is also an excerpt from my upcoming book that explores the critical steps of bringing leadership back home.

About BeYB

Peter Sterlacci is the pioneer of personal branding in Japan. Building on his background in intercultural consulting & training and Certified by Reach, the global leader in personal branding, he works with on-the-move careerists in global companies in Japan. Follow Peter on Twitter @PeterSterlacci

photo credit: stefano principato via photopin cc

Leaders Teach & Inspire

The personal brand arsenal of any credible leader needs to have some key drivers. Of critical importance is the ability to teach and inspire followers and peers. If my vision doesn’t excite my followers, then my mission is just but a lame duck! This is explored in a guest blog “Leading through teaching and inspiration” on BeYB (Believe , Become, Be Your Brand).

So, what drives your personal brand? Will you add teaching and inspiring others to it? I urge you to give it a try…and take a deep dive into the classics. Leaders teach and inspire others to a higher level of meaningful existence.

 

About BeYB

Peter Sterlacci is the pioneer of personal branding in Japan. Building on his background in intercultural consulting & training and Certified by Reach, the global leader in personal branding, he works with on-the-move careerists in global companies in Japan. In a culture where “fitting in” is the norm, Peter uses a three-step process derived from his own passion for cycling to promote the mindset shift necessary for setting and reaching career goals in today’s economy. Tap into the value you provide to others and authentically build your visibility and credibility within your work teams and target audience.

 

Follow Peter on Twitter @PeterSterlacci

Leadership reloaded – taking stock

“At some point in your life, you will face a situation where you are in a leadership position and dozens – maybe thousands or millions – look to you to lead. When that occurs, you won’t feel ready. But you have to lead anyway,” Oliver Van DeMille in A Thomas Jefferson Education.

Have you encountered a situation that left you feeling incapacitated? Like a deer caught in the headlights? You feel weak, scared, and lost? Many in leadership face this dilemma, especially when no solution or fix is at hand. You are coasting thinking all is well. Then wham! Shortly, you are sailing through the air full of dread of the landing. As the flying is in a vessel designed to be firmly grounded, a car.

If your leadership style ‘hands-off’, you guide your followers on what is required of them. It then becomes incumbent on them to get work done. You are only available if they encounter any challenges that require further guidance. The flipside is the ‘hands-on’ style, the micro-manager. Constantly, you look over your followers’ shoulders fearing they might deviate from your ‘perfect way’.

However, only a few are coming into the situation room.  Plans are not deployed to the letter and output falls behind schedule. They are frustrated and you are livid.

Lesson 1: It is time to shift gears, time to jettison the past. A change is required of your leadership. While some of your followers are happily executing their roles with minimum supervision, others will need very close monitoring. Leaders need to constantly re-calibrate their style to accommodate the prevailing environment.

Lesson 2: A crisis can get the leader in a whole lot of self-doubt. You may feel lonely and even have no one to turn to for help or advise. You will need to find a few people who become your ‘bouncing wall’. These are your accountability partners that help you check on your progress or lack thereof. They provide solid advise and, when needed, loving rebuke. If you are to succeed as a leader, you need to establish your personal ‘Board of Directors’.  Remember, it can be very lonely as a leader, and you need all the credible support you can find.

Lesson 3: Remember that leadership mostly operates like a bolt-action rifle. Bolt-action firearms are very popular for hunting as they are balanced, strong, rugged, reliable and accurate. Likewise, the leadership process is measured, targeted and carefully thought through. “Concentrate your energy, thoughts and capital exclusively upon the business in which you are engaged in,” Andrew Carnegie notes. When hunting, your prey keeps on shifting its position. It is incumbent on you to change your approach to be successful in leading.

Lesson 4: Finally, leadership is a journey, not the destination. Remember to invest in knowledge acquisition. A true leader maintains a ravenous hunger to learn, as this is the only way to ensure sustainable growth. Your followers will notice this and most probably embrace it too.

Leadership & surrender

If you want to be a great leader and not just a leader, you need to learn to ‘give up’… surrender! You will need to surrender the need to always: be right, speak first, decide, take credit, and be in control. You will be surprised by the outcomes:  greater results,  greater influence, greater satisfaction, and greater significance.

Want to be a great leader? Kevin Eikenberry challenges us with “What You Must Surrender to Lead Best” on his blog, Leadership & Learning. Enjoy the reading and hope you are inspired.